ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
