Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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