My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
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