his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
