i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
