I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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