Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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