She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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