I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
