wanna go halves on a baby?
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
