Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
you traded sex for a burrito?
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
