my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Houston, we have a squirter
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I love you. Go after that dick
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
