I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
he was CRYING into my vagina
found the other keg... it's in the tree
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
