Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
