hell yes lets make some ravioli
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
