i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
