I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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