lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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