Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
