smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
