No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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