if i can run in heels then i can drive
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
