my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
