all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Randomize
