I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
