So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
