Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
