Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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