ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
