i was rollin on her like bob the builder
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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