so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
