I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
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