how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
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