He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
