we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Randomize
