Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
