Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
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