he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
smell my finger.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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