Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
