so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
