god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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