I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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