Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
