Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
