she takes plan B like it's going out of style
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Randomize
