Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
