my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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