I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I have surprise drugs for everyone
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
