You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Randomize
