Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Randomize
