I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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