You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
