does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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